Long Story Short

Tonight I almost went to jail on suspicion of auto theft. At one point I had 3 patrol cars snorting behind me and a forth wallowing in the filth of 4th street. It would seem, as luck would have it, that my plates were run by a pig at a light, and they came up unattached.

I was blissfully unconcerned for quite some time, but then as one trip to the cruiser turned in to another and hands started drifting to unfriendly things on utility belts I began to get worried. Nothing tied me to the truck, and the only piece of Alberta ID I have is a movie card at Casablanca. I wore a black toque and had a glass of wine on my breath. The pigs were looking for a feed.

Luckily they called A's listed phone, which put them through to her mom. She was able to explain (through responses only) that there had been a mistake at the registry and indeed we had bought and registered the truck.

The cops tag teamed on me and the first pig (who went from friendly to fierce back to friendly - thanks in no small part to a tongue lashing from M I suspect) drove off, leaving me with an exceptionally anal counterpart who gave me five hundred dollars in tickets and spouted complete bullshit about unrelated legal matters. I wasn't allowed to drive home, and I was lucky 'my story was validated'. What tripe.

I'm pretty sure that somewhere at sometime, in an early democratic government, a 'founding father' once said:

"Thou shalt not pull over a citizen in a motor vehicle for not possessing registration while he/she is conducting their daily business in a law abiding manner, but lo, thou shall punish the felon who conducts business oblivious to any law, and thou shall punish them exceptionally harshly if they are unregistered."

But I digress. I should never have gone out. In the last three days two houses across the street have been reduced to gaping pits. When I got home from work there was yet another house parked in the middle of the street in front of mine. It was on wheels and destined for Cremona. They aren't allowed to move these drifting houses until after midnight. I had to drive on the lawn to get out of my driveway only to be raped by paper.

Order. Order. Order.

Stay at home. Stoke the fire. It is an evil day.